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Ebay Forgery Seller Guide: What to do when you've been caught‏

So, you're selling the Beatles fully signed pick guard you picked up on Ebay in 2004. It was $64 when you bought it, and now you realize you can easily sell it for $37,000.

But look out! Someone on the AML website is declaring that your item is fake! Well, not to fear. You know you have your bases covered, because you have a COA straight from the now out-of-business baseball card store in Florida you bought it from.

Take a deep breath and follow these steps. We'll get through this.

1) Phase 1: Incognito. Waft into the site under an assumed name (the more ridiculous or generic, the better). Leave vague, bizarre counterarguments like, "Sure looks good to me" or "I heard they signed pickguards at a private signing in 1967." Your lone voice in the wilderness will surely get the agressors to rethink their stance.

2) Phase 2: Justification. If phase 1 tactics fail, stay incognito but make throughly loathesome proclamations like "caveat emptor!" or "The framing job alone costs $500." Suggest that the buyer gets what they pay for and "at least it looks pretty." No one can argue with good old-fashioned common sense.

3) Phase 3: Explain yourself and plead your case. If it comes to it, go ahead and blow your cover. Proclaim that your did seconds if not years of research on these autographs, even if you haven't looked at the pickguard even once between the time you purchased it and took the grainy photo with your LG Rumor cell phone for Ebay. Proclaim the profound merit of of your "Certificate of Authenticity" by noting that only qualified experts owning an inkjet printer (or in close proximity of a Kinkos) issue such ironclad documents.

4) Phase 4: Full aerial assault. The worst has happened - your item has been pulled from Ebay and your dreams of owning a pimped out Mustang just went down the toilet. Okay, forget all that education, maturity and tact you learned between failing your GEDs and your second stint in jail. Actually, forget the topic at hand all together. You know what, while you're at it, forget how to type, spell, or use even marginally acceptable grammar from the English language. Lay it out there, all in CAPS. The more you sound like an irate 14 year old, the more your audience takes notice. Use profanity and vulgarity in such a manner that you elicit only hysterical laughter and/or confusion as to your age and orientation. Frequent use of "LOL" in your tirades has the benefit of making you appear not only guilty, but insane. Nothing like killing two birds with one stone.

1 member likes this

Comment by John McGinnis on July 13, 2013 at 2:38am: Wascher, you said you think that 99% of people know their items are bad, but I do not think that is correct. If you are talking about the ebayers that sell the obvious type of forgeries at 99c each and they do not bother to even look at an authentic signature to try to copy, Yes, I would agree, but I have seen a few items by every single (yes EVERY single) respected and well known dealer at one time or another over the years and I would say that NO, they did not know that it was a fake, or they would not have it in their inventory. I think you stating that the name calling and hostility needs to stop is great. God knows I would hate to come on this site and try to defend an autograph, no matter if it was real or not. You can't win when there is a gang mentality, like it seems to be on here sometimes.

Comment by Darren Ruskin, III on July 14, 2013 at 10:42pm: I agree with your statements John. That is why every single time I take into account the autograph itself and not whoever is selling it. There is a stunning amount of items out there, so to settle on a piece for your collection that could go one way or the other is just being impatient. I realize their aren't a lot of Zeppelin, late Beatles, or Elvis albums out there, but why settle for an "iffy" London Calling or some other classic record? If you wait long enough the "perfect" one will eventually show up. Patience is the key to this hobby - both buying and in person. Maybe a bit off topic, but thought I would comment anyway..D

Comment by Rich on July 22, 2013 at 11:19am: One other one. I think I forgot to add the all important "Declare yourself the winner after you've clearly been embarrassed."

Comment by Steve on July 27, 2013 at 6:46pm: Rich, I couldn't have said it better myself.

Comment by Kevin Richards on August 6, 2013 at 7:16pm: Great article....I have a guitar signed by Henry the VIII....I KNOW it's real because they used pig gut for strings. And that little opening for the amp cord, well they were really smart back then and anticipated the advent of electricity!! AND I have a brand NEW COA!

Seriously, I'm a collector and *usually*only buy from very reputable sellers with COAs from people I recognize...but I did get burned on a Queen album I bought at auction from a large outfit (with no COA). Contacted the seller and after receiving comments from people here (and a preliminary $15 opinion from REAL) looks like he's returning the $ in full.

It was a fake. I bought it without knowing. Scammers will come up with all kinds of excuses. A reputable seller will give you a refund. Lesson here: know which kind of seller you're dealing with before you start hurling insults...unless they have a track record of being a thief.