I’ve never understood people that get a dollar bill signed. Imagine you see Donnie Most. You scream to your wife “That’s the dude that played Ralph Malph on Happy Days!”

You’re searching your wallet for something to have him autograph, only to see those crispy, green pieces of paper in the wallet. You have him sign a dollar bill, tell him you loved him on Happy Days. He smiles, thanks you, and then you ask “What are you doing now?”

He frowns.

You walk away with a souvenir of this occasion. It immediately goes up on your cubicle wall for a month, until that time comes when you need coffee and have nothing in your wallet. You think about it, realizing an autograph by Most is probably worth less than a dollar. You slip it in the machine.

I finally saw a signature that I wouldn’t mind putting on a dollar bill. It’s Jacob J. Lew, the former Office of Management and Budget Director, who is nominated to be the treasury secretary. This means his Jack Hancock will appear on all U.S. currency. I think the idea of having a real signature, on a dollar bill above the printed signature, would be kind of cool.

What makes it even more intriguing is all the attention Lew is getting. You see, his signature is rather bizarre. When I saw it, I immediately thought of Donald Trump’s signature (what is it with loopy signatures and these guys with money?).

The more I stared at it – the more I thought of that recently bankrupt company Hostess. His signature looks like the top of their delicious cupcakes.

I’m not sure how Jacob Lew came up with such a signature. The first loop is obviously a “J” in cursive, but then just a series of loops. Was this guy obsessed with the Spirograph as a kid? Ah, remember that fun drawing game you old timers? Back before the kids just got obsessed with their Xboxes and iphones. Wait…hold on a second.

[opens window and yells] “You kids get off my lawn!!!!”

Now Obama is being asked about this signature, to which he replied “I considered rescinding my offer to appoint him.”

Lew assured the President that he’ll make it least one letter legible “in order not to debase our currency.”

Obama added that he never noticed the signature before (which I found odd, since he’s his chief of staff).

Ya know, people claim to see Jesus or the Virgin Mary in various food items. I think the last time Mary popped up it was in some French toast at Denny’s. At least now when I’m eating curly fries at Arby’s – I can say I see Jacob Lew.