One of the great things about the late night shows (aside from the terrific humor of Jimmy Kimmel), is when celebrities tell stories, and talk of signing autographs arises.

The other night, Elijah Wood was on one of the shows. He said, “I just hate signing autographs. I hate it, but I can’t say no. These people come up to me, and I know they’re going to just sell these things, but I don’t want to turn them down, so I sign.”

All of that led to how once he’s in his car, all bets are off. He’ll turn down people that come to his window, and he screams nasty things at people that cut him off on the roads. He ended up telling a humorous story about this move where he’ll flip them off...but with his hand below the dashboard so they don’t see it. He says just that small gesture, makes him feel better.

Anyway, that comment got me thinking. No, no...not the flipping off. I’ll do that over the dashboard. I want the person that cut me off to see it. It’s about the autograph seekers.

Years ago, Elijah Wood was dating a woman (Pamela Racine) in the gypsy punk band Gogol Bordello. I was outside the House of Blues with a poster for the band Cake (Going the Distance, Long Skirt Short Jacket, I Will Survive, and a hundred other great tunes). I didn’t know anything about Gogol Bordello, but saw Wood come out of the venue with his arm around a woman in the band. I looked a bit surprised, and...I had nothing for him to autograph. So, I had him sign my Cake poster from a Fillmore show.

Because I’m a bit idiotic sometimes, it didn’t occur to me to bring something to the show for Wood to sign. And at the concert that night, a few people were having him autograph ticket stubs. The band Gogol Bordello was signing their CD (I highly recommend you find the song “Start Wearing Purple”), so I bought one, and after they signed it, I had Wood sign that as well. Now I had his signature on two items -- neither that he had nothing to do with. The closest link is that the singer of the band, Eugene Hutz, was in the Wood movie “Everything is Illuminated.” I only know that because when I was in the smoking area enjoying a cigar, Wood came out for a cigarette. He told me that, when I mentioned how the movie poster for “Everything is Illuminated,” looked a lot like his character in “Sin City,” with the white eyes. He said, “Oh yeah, I never really thought about that.”

Since we were standing next to each other, I made small talk about a few of his other movies, but he wasn’t all that receptive, answering my questions with short answers. So, I left him alone to enjoy his smoke.

About 6 months later, the band came back for another show at a different venue. Again, I had nothing for Wood. Again, I saw him in the smoking area. This time, I just nodded to him.

By the end of the show, people were showing up with various “Lord of the Rings” items for him to sign. He seemed to sign every item, and it gave me a glimpse into how annoying this can be for the celebrities. Here’s a guy trying to watch his girlfriend on stage (she was a tall Asian girl, that pounded away on a huge bass drum, among other instruments). And instead, he’s asked to sign autographs. If he would’ve said, “I’ll sign after the show,” people would get mad. Or, they’d stand there staring at him, waiting for the show to end. Not comfortable for anybody.

So if Elijah Wood gets hounded like that, just imagine what it’s like for Brad Pitt, Paul McCartney, and people like that? And when Wood mentioned the people selling the autographs, he’s right about that, too.

As I’ve told celebrities I’ve interviewed (or ones that were reluctant to sign autographs), you can spot the fans or collectors, from the autograph dealers. If you get off the airplane and somebody is there with 10 different 8x10s -- they’re a dealer, and they pay somebody at the airport to let them know who is coming in. Refuse to sign for them, and who cares if they’re mad. Or, simply sign one photo. Perhaps make the autograph a lot messier, so it has no resale value.

If you run into somebody that seems shocked to see you, and they pull out a slip of paper from their wallet -- they’re probably a fan, and you can sign for them.

It’s really that simple.