I just spent an hour writing a blog, and it somehow disappeared. I figured I wouldn’t re-write it, but it’s such a funny story, I wanted to share it. So I’m going to rewrite the blog, but I’m typing fast, and I’m not going to go back and reread this for spelling errors or anything.
One of my jobs is doing movie reviews, and that means I get to see films weeks before they’re released. One I saw recently was a documentary about Grace Jones. It started with the singer leaving a concert venue and signing autographs for a crowd. She said those magic words I love to hear people say at times like that: “Just one autograph each.” What’s great is, that screws over the ebay dealers that have 20 different 8x10s and albums they bought at the dollar bin in a record store. And for those collectors, they know the artist is going to sign and not just jump on the tour bus. One of the things interesting when you watch this scene (or when you’ve been standing in a crowd like that), is how quiet everyone is. Obviously, people want their autograph and in a lot of cases, a photo. Yet you still have a brief bit of time to shout something out to the star you admire, and everyone is quiet. In this, somebody finally said “When are you going to be in another movie?” (remember how great she was as a Bond girl in “A View to a Kill”?). She said, “When they make one about me” (which was funny, since the documentary was being filmed).
I remember meeting Alice Cooper after a show, and he also said “One autograph per person, I’m in a bit of a hurry.” And after 30 seconds of silence, I told him his version of Elton John’s “Saturday Night’s Alright” was great (it was a Saturday night, and he did an encore with it). He thanked me. Then, after another 20 seconds of silence, I said “I wish radio stations would play ‘Be My Lover’ Instead of ‘I’m 18’ all the time. It’s one of the best rock songs ever.” He looked at me laughing, and said, “Thank you so much. I agree!”
That leads to the story I heard on two different radio stations this morning. Apparently, William Shatner did an interview with “Page Six” and he talks about a woman that called him from a hotel lobby once. She said she had gotten into his hotel room and stolen his underwear. If he wanted it back, he’d have to go down to the lobby and sign an autograph for her. He was shocked that she was able to get into his room and he reluctantly went down to fetch it. As she stood their holding his boxers, he started signing the stuff she had. At some point, he said there was so much memorabilia, he said he wasn’t going to sign any more. She said, “Okay, then sign this” and lifted her shirt up. He quickly grabbed his skivvies and ran back to his room.
And we wonder why celebs are so reluctant to stop and sign!
I did have a few underwear autograph stories. When I met Tom Jones (who was kind enough to talk to my mom on the phone), I told him if I knew I was going to get to meet him, I would’ve brought womens panties for him to sign. He looked at me and said, “Oh, I’ve signed thousands of those over the years.” And to think...I thought I was being clever.
Someone once gave me a pair of Saturday Night Live boxer shorts that had the Hans and Franz characters, saying “We’re Here to Pump You Up” on the crotch. When I met Arnold Schwarzenneger (the person they were parodying in that skit), I decided against bringing those for him to sign. When I saw Dana Carvey (one of the characters in the bit), I instead brought the Wayne’s World DVD for him to sign. Little did I know, after his performance at the comedy club, he’d immediately run out to his car, flanked by 3 big security guards.
[side note: instead of the Grace Jones documentary, I highly recommend you find “Super Mensch” which Mike Myers did, about Alice Cooper’s manager. Lots of great stories on what it’s like being around the rich and famous]